For grown-ups
Children who can name their body parts, who know the swimsuit rule, and who believe they will be believed are markedly harder to victimize and far more likely to disclose early. This page gives you the scripts, the warning signs, and the response plan.
What to actually say
Most parents know they should have this talk and freeze on the wording. Borrow these exactly as written, or make them sound like you.
Keep it concrete and physical. At this age you are teaching correct names and the swimsuit rule, not explaining abuse.
Naming body parts
“Every part of your body has a real name, just like your elbow and your knee. Using the real name is never rude, and you can always say it to me.”
The swimsuit rule
“The parts your swimsuit covers are private. Nobody looks at them or touches them except you — unless I am helping you wash, or a doctor is checking you while I am right there.”
Refusing affection
“You do not have to hug or kiss anybody, even family. You can wave, high five, or just say hello. I will always back you up.”
Recognize the signs
In the overwhelming majority of cases the person is not a stranger in a van. They are known, trusted, and often loved by the whole family. These are the patterns to watch for.
Gifts and special treats
Grooming almost always starts with generosity — candy, money, gifts, screen time, or being singled out as the favourite. The gift builds a debt the child feels they have to repay.
Ask: “Has anyone been giving you presents or treats they asked you not to mention?”
Secrecy
Safe adults never ask a child to hide something from their parents. Any adult who builds a private world with your child — secret jokes, secret messages, secret rules — has crossed a line, even if nothing physical has happened.
Say: “Grown-ups never need you to keep secrets from me. If someone asks you to, that is the exact moment to tell me.”
After a disclosure
Your first reaction is the thing your child will remember for the rest of their life. Stay calm out loud, even while you are falling apart inside. Do not interrogate, do not promise to keep it quiet, and do not confront the person yourself.
Say: “I believe you. I am so glad you told me. This is not your fault, and I am going to keep you safe.”
The first five minutes
Children often test the water with a small piece of the truth to see how you react. How you respond in the first few minutes determines whether they tell you the rest.
You do not have to figure out the next step alone
Trained counselors will walk you through reporting, medical care, and what to expect. Free, 24/7, and you can call anonymously.